I started to recall my experiences, how i started my music career, how i decided everything. I couldn't compose anything lately. I don't even know why? Is my life too quiet so that nothing stimulate my mind ?
I remebered I used to come up tons of melody on my mind. But now,there's nothing but shit on my mind. Did I made a wrong choice? Applying for Berklee was really good for me? Now I just can't concentrate on my composing but to worry about the audition the visa and everything unknown.Two years ago(maybe a year and a half) i saw a clear future but now i am not so sure.Especaily my American visa was refused last month. Despite the anger i just cant understand why they have the right making desicions for my future. Simplely said " i'm sorry,you are not going" and the bitch gave me a shit face, she didnt even gave me a reason. Well,i know i should not think about it anymore but i just cant let it go. its always there.
another month passing by just like that and im still here decaying. I cant complain but i want to.I'm not even in the mood of composing.all my feelings have just gone and i couldnt catch.is it the step of every muscian? So many questions on my mind and no space for my composing.
I think I am so incompatible, on one hand i worry about many unknown things , on the other hand i tell myslef to clam down and focus on composing, or maybe I am to pushing so that make my life disordered. questions again!!!damn.
dose it rain tomorrow?...........
Monday, April 23, 2007
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
hurt finger
I have been sick for a week. Tap nose, sore throat, coughing, are totally torturing. I bought some medicine myself, I kinda took things for granted so that I still didnt feel good this morning after a week. I finally dragged myself to see the doctor.
"You should go do a X-ray examination!" She throwed me those words after I described my symptoms then she tured her head to other side seems i wasn't there. Considering her attitude I figured that she just didnt really care , wanted to send me away,.so i instited doing the regular examination first. And I was right, after a blood examination, she told me its just normal cold not serious disease. It was just caused by virus and I took the wrong medicine, that's why i kept being sick for so long.
Till now, you might ask, is this thing related my music life? Actually it is. They pierced my ring finger to get the blood and it kept being sore the whole day. It's ok if I didn't have to practise my piano. What a pity!I couldnt complete my today's practice. Hope it wont be sore tomorrow.
Damn! I have class tomorrow.
"You should go do a X-ray examination!" She throwed me those words after I described my symptoms then she tured her head to other side seems i wasn't there. Considering her attitude I figured that she just didnt really care , wanted to send me away,.so i instited doing the regular examination first. And I was right, after a blood examination, she told me its just normal cold not serious disease. It was just caused by virus and I took the wrong medicine, that's why i kept being sick for so long.
Till now, you might ask, is this thing related my music life? Actually it is. They pierced my ring finger to get the blood and it kept being sore the whole day. It's ok if I didn't have to practise my piano. What a pity!I couldnt complete my today's practice. Hope it wont be sore tomorrow.
Damn! I have class tomorrow.
Monday, February 12, 2007
If I could just skip.......
Major scales, Minor scales, arpeggio, etc, there're really a lot of things included in my daily practice, as everybody knows, all thoes are bored. Someone had said that the process of learning music was bored and I have to say I completely agree with him. Actually that's why I have always thought about the same thing, if i coudl just skip the practice.....
Back to the reality, i know, thats never gonna happen I could play piano very well without practice. But still, I can't help feeling bored when I am enhancing my basic playing skills. Suddenly, I realise that what the differences between a successful person and a loser. Only people who could bear the pain and overcome difficulties would succeed. Losers are always give up when encounter problems.
I jumpped up and refreshed myself, continued doing my practice. I didnt wanna be a loser. Like the guy in the movie who turned his thomb down and yelled loser on others. Thats a terrible picture and I absolutely didnt wanna see that happen to myself.
"if I could just skip.... oh ...nah nah nah.....I will do it step by step."
Back to the reality, i know, thats never gonna happen I could play piano very well without practice. But still, I can't help feeling bored when I am enhancing my basic playing skills. Suddenly, I realise that what the differences between a successful person and a loser. Only people who could bear the pain and overcome difficulties would succeed. Losers are always give up when encounter problems.
I jumpped up and refreshed myself, continued doing my practice. I didnt wanna be a loser. Like the guy in the movie who turned his thomb down and yelled loser on others. Thats a terrible picture and I absolutely didnt wanna see that happen to myself.
"if I could just skip.... oh ...nah nah nah.....I will do it step by step."
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Technique and Musicianship
According to Beethoven, one of the greatest musicians in the history, music is the most important invention, even more important than philosophy. Its true, to most of musicians that music is everything.
So far as I know, music is not a thing could only be measured by its technical part.Lets take instrument players as an example. No matter what instruments you play, ultimately, you are playing music not showing technique. I know many peoplo who put all their attention on the technical part. They practise Major scales,Minor scales,etc thousands of times a day. They are really hard-working, but when they play a score, it sounds fade or over emotional, even though their technique is ok or even great. No doubtly, a good instrumental performer needs strong playing technique, but like I mentioned, its not to show technique but to play music. It always need to put the musicianship in the first place.
I heard of a seemingly strange thing from internet once, a guy, who was considered as a brilliant performer when graduated from a chinese music college and then he went abroad continued his music study. At his final performance exam of first semester he got A on his technical part, but D, the lowest grade, on his musicianship part. " I cant feel music in your performance." the professor said to him.
To my opinion, music is a thing that is more sensitive, its more about one's feelings. That's why Mozart could compose scores at 6, better than adults which had engaged in music for years. To enhanse one's musicianship is even more important than to enhance one's instrumental technique. especially for people who want to become composer.
However, we should never ignore the technical part. A really good musician could always combine the two very well and creat beautiful music. Further more, a strong instrmental technique could always help with your composing.
So far as I know, music is not a thing could only be measured by its technical part.Lets take instrument players as an example. No matter what instruments you play, ultimately, you are playing music not showing technique. I know many peoplo who put all their attention on the technical part. They practise Major scales,Minor scales,etc thousands of times a day. They are really hard-working, but when they play a score, it sounds fade or over emotional, even though their technique is ok or even great. No doubtly, a good instrumental performer needs strong playing technique, but like I mentioned, its not to show technique but to play music. It always need to put the musicianship in the first place.
I heard of a seemingly strange thing from internet once, a guy, who was considered as a brilliant performer when graduated from a chinese music college and then he went abroad continued his music study. At his final performance exam of first semester he got A on his technical part, but D, the lowest grade, on his musicianship part. " I cant feel music in your performance." the professor said to him.
To my opinion, music is a thing that is more sensitive, its more about one's feelings. That's why Mozart could compose scores at 6, better than adults which had engaged in music for years. To enhanse one's musicianship is even more important than to enhance one's instrumental technique. especially for people who want to become composer.
However, we should never ignore the technical part. A really good musician could always combine the two very well and creat beautiful music. Further more, a strong instrmental technique could always help with your composing.
Saturday, February 10, 2007
Through the web camera
It's been a long time I havent seen my familly. I have to say I really miss them. Nostalgic feelings keeps torturing me, especially in the air of chinese new year. People make noises by playing the fireworks, the holiday is just around the corner.
Thanks to the fellow who invented instant messager so that I could meet my familly through the camera on internet.
I chose a day that all my familly were at home and logged on my QQ, a chinese instant messager software similar to MSN. Tears ran out at the moment when I saw my mother's face, then I realized I had been missing her so much. I was not a guy who afraid of livng alone but I just couldnt help being homesick in the holiday time. nobody could escape the tears in such situation.I didn't say anything, even things like "I miss you". I just listened to my sister talking, laughing everybody 's talking and laughing. Thank god I didnt turn on my camera so that they couldnt saw me crying harder and harder or everybody would cry no doubtly.
I couldnt calm down even afte logged out QQ, thinking of the old days I had with my family. Then a powerful energy breathed into my body and I felt even more energetic to go for my dream. I definitely knew where the energy came from, my family, and i knew it was and would always be the resourse of the power that would keep pushing me to the top.
Thanks to the fellow who invented instant messager so that I could meet my familly through the camera on internet.
I chose a day that all my familly were at home and logged on my QQ, a chinese instant messager software similar to MSN. Tears ran out at the moment when I saw my mother's face, then I realized I had been missing her so much. I was not a guy who afraid of livng alone but I just couldnt help being homesick in the holiday time. nobody could escape the tears in such situation.I didn't say anything, even things like "I miss you". I just listened to my sister talking, laughing everybody 's talking and laughing. Thank god I didnt turn on my camera so that they couldnt saw me crying harder and harder or everybody would cry no doubtly.
I couldnt calm down even afte logged out QQ, thinking of the old days I had with my family. Then a powerful energy breathed into my body and I felt even more energetic to go for my dream. I definitely knew where the energy came from, my family, and i knew it was and would always be the resourse of the power that would keep pushing me to the top.
Tuesday, January 2, 2007
Sacrifice For Dream
I have had my music dream since I was a kid. I talked about my dream to friends. I encouraged them to go for dreams. I named myself dreamchaser.I live with my dream.I have been preparing for the music college, the gate to my dream, for a year and a half.
I have to say it's a tough thing choosing a different way to go. I had to get over tons problems and have to face the upcoming problems. Sometimes i felt so frustrated, especial the last two months, I got nothing done. All the problems start with my decision of going to Korea to take the audition for the music college in Boston. If I will never go abroad I would feel very lucky to be in China.
I remember that morning I called to the Korean embassy in Beijing, the operator told me I had to submit tons of documents which were totally out of my mind to get the visa. How could everything be so complicated for a Chinese to go the neighbor country. Obviously, I had no choice but to obey them. After I made sure the list of the documents ,my personal resume, reasons of traveling and the certification of 100000 bank deposit, from the operator I asked her if it was ok that I used my father's bank deposit(Who could have that money himself in my age)she gave me a affirmative answer. I started to went around between my ex-college and my flat. After a week, I got everything done, according to the list the operator gave. I thought that I could go to Korea and take the audition on time. I picked up my cell and called the embassy again, I told the operator what I had got, then she asked me," do you have the certification of the relationship between you and your father?" "Is that important?" "Of course, or how do we know where does your bank deposit come from." "Ok, why didn't you tell me about this last time when I called? "I was kinda angry," Sorry, I have no idea, I didnt answer your call."
I hanged up the phone with anger. However, I had to get the fucking certification they required. There were still 9 days left allowed me to do that, I thought so, at that moment.
I went back to my ex-college again and they told me I had to get the certification from Beijing notarial bureau. Well, I think I have to mention that its about 2 hours bus trip from my flat to my college and it would take another 2 hours to get to the notarial bureau, and it was 3 pm then, which means I couldn’t arrive before they closed. (By the way their work time 9 am to 4 pm)
I decided to continue my documental collecting journey the next day.
I got up early the next day morning. I arrived the notarial bureau at 15 to 10 am. After telling my coming reason, the greffier asked me to fill a blank. Everything seemed so easy. But I was totally astonished when I was told I had wait for a week to get the certification. There were no any responses after my calling for the help from God, I know I had to face the reality the waiting. It feels like I was standing in a pouring rain without a umbrella in hand.
I had never felt that long of a week Even though I finally got the certification. “still have 4 days,” I comforted myself and picked up my cell calling the embassy again. “Hello, this Korean embassy Blahblahbalh….. you should submit your document through a travel agency you are not allowed to come here…Blahblahbla” I felt a lightning just flashed in my head. “why am I the last to know that, where do I get time to find a travel agency now? how could you do this to me?....” I couldn’t control myself then. They made me crazy.
After all, I called a branch of International travel agency. “we need a week to get your visa done…..” I couldn’t believe what I just heard. “ why?” I asked” how would it take so long?” “ well, if you send your documents here today, we will pass it to the embassy the day after tomorrow.” “why? You cant do that just today? I have an emergency here!! please” I felt so helpless.” Sorry sir, that’s how we do things. I cant help you….Blahblahblah…” I hung up the phone. I didn’t want to hear her voice anymore. I sat on the sidewalk thinking about what I should do next. “its just the branch, call the base!” a voice keep sounding in my head. I picked up my phone as fast as I could, dialing, getting through, ”hello, its international travel agency, can I help you” “ yes, I have an emergency here….” I told her everything and looked forward to her giving me the hope. “…blahblah…we could get your visa done in 4 days…” “ 4 days? Are you sure?” “ yes, of course....blahbalh..” I stopped a taxi as soon as possible. If I get the visa in the next 4 days I could still join the audition on time I thought I saw the hope at that moment. I got to the International traveling building within 40 minutes and rush to the elevator.
A young man received me in the customer service office. “blahblah…it would take 5 days to get you visa done…” “what?” I interrupted him “ why I heard that only 4 day when I called few minutes ago, see, I have an emergency I have to be there on 27th, which means I could only have the last 4 day to get the visa.” “trust me, we never said 4 days ok?...blahblah….but we will try our best and you try to urge the embassy you might have you visa earlier.” He smiled to me, which made me sick. “What am I gonna do?” I kept asking myself, at last, I decided to try my fortune, I took their service and paid the money.
The next day, the agency called me,”blahblah..im sorry, your bank deposit must have been frozen for 3 months but now its only 2 months..” I felt faint” but you could send me a new certification this afternoon we could still get you visa done on time…blahbalh” I rushed out my door and called my dad “dad? I need 100000 right now, c’mon! I need it!!!” My poor dad must be scared at that moment” they said I need a new certification……” I stopped a taxi rushing to be bank.”could you please drive faster ”:I couldn’t help urging the driver on the way to the bank. He didn’t give a shit at all!
That’s what I called long line when I got to the bank. It seemed the whole city jammed in the bank hall at the same time. Anyway, after one hour waiting I got my new certification, immediately, I rushed out of the bank door, “TAXI!!!!” I shouted out with all my energy. Thank god after all the hurry, I submitted the certification in time.
The next day I slept till 12 pm. I called the embassy as I opened my eyes. “ hello, I know you are very busy, but I really have an emergency here, I was wondering if you could make my visa process a little faster, I really have no time, please” I tried my best to be nice I swore to god. “sorry personal visa could not be faster.” I hated the operator really she made my visa process got started so late, but I still had to be genty ”please, I really have an emergency” “well you can try to send a fax to the ambassador and tell him about your emergency he may give you a chance….blahblah.” I jumped down my bed and rushed out just liked I did before.
I did everything I could do. The rest thing was only wait.
I wasn’t that kinda people who would only wait, so I called the embassy again the next day. “hello…blahblah…tell me your name…blahblah…congratulations, your visa is done…..” I couldn’t describe how excited I was then. I called the agency and told them to fetch my visa as soon as possible. Haha, I could join the audition on time!!
The next day, the day before my audition day, I called the agency to ask when I could get my visa. They told me their employee just came back but didn’t get my visa. “ How could it be? The embassy told me my visa was done, how could that happen you didn’t get my visa?” I was confused. “ but we just don’t get it, sorry. Maybe tomorrow.” “ I told you I called the embassy yesterday and they told me my visa was done, did you really get there to fetch my visa?” I was kinda angry.” Of course we did but we sure didn’t get your visa from the embassy.” I felt I was in pouring rain again. I didn’t know which side to believe, but I knew one of them just tricked me, they didn’t care about my emergency at all.
Well, the result was I could not make it to Korea on time, I missed my audition. I couldn’t be that tolerant, I curse them, both the embassy and the agency. But its useless, i know.
First, the embassy operators were so irresponsible, after my asking over and over again they still missed telling me the important document I need to submit, otherwise, I could get the certification from the notarial bureau earlier so that I could have enough time for my visa process. In addition,The agency didn’t fetch the visa on time or the embassy tricked me.
I’m sick of staying in such a awful place, just get me out of here please!!!!!
Well, after all, I still don’t wanna give up my dream, its just a challenge given by life. I know I will be fine. I know I will make my dream come true. I know, I believe in myself.
I have to say it's a tough thing choosing a different way to go. I had to get over tons problems and have to face the upcoming problems. Sometimes i felt so frustrated, especial the last two months, I got nothing done. All the problems start with my decision of going to Korea to take the audition for the music college in Boston. If I will never go abroad I would feel very lucky to be in China.
I remember that morning I called to the Korean embassy in Beijing, the operator told me I had to submit tons of documents which were totally out of my mind to get the visa. How could everything be so complicated for a Chinese to go the neighbor country. Obviously, I had no choice but to obey them. After I made sure the list of the documents ,my personal resume, reasons of traveling and the certification of 100000 bank deposit, from the operator I asked her if it was ok that I used my father's bank deposit(Who could have that money himself in my age)she gave me a affirmative answer. I started to went around between my ex-college and my flat. After a week, I got everything done, according to the list the operator gave. I thought that I could go to Korea and take the audition on time. I picked up my cell and called the embassy again, I told the operator what I had got, then she asked me," do you have the certification of the relationship between you and your father?" "Is that important?" "Of course, or how do we know where does your bank deposit come from." "Ok, why didn't you tell me about this last time when I called? "I was kinda angry," Sorry, I have no idea, I didnt answer your call."
I hanged up the phone with anger. However, I had to get the fucking certification they required. There were still 9 days left allowed me to do that, I thought so, at that moment.
I went back to my ex-college again and they told me I had to get the certification from Beijing notarial bureau. Well, I think I have to mention that its about 2 hours bus trip from my flat to my college and it would take another 2 hours to get to the notarial bureau, and it was 3 pm then, which means I couldn’t arrive before they closed. (By the way their work time 9 am to 4 pm)
I decided to continue my documental collecting journey the next day.
I got up early the next day morning. I arrived the notarial bureau at 15 to 10 am. After telling my coming reason, the greffier asked me to fill a blank. Everything seemed so easy. But I was totally astonished when I was told I had wait for a week to get the certification. There were no any responses after my calling for the help from God, I know I had to face the reality the waiting. It feels like I was standing in a pouring rain without a umbrella in hand.
I had never felt that long of a week Even though I finally got the certification. “still have 4 days,” I comforted myself and picked up my cell calling the embassy again. “Hello, this Korean embassy Blahblahbalh….. you should submit your document through a travel agency you are not allowed to come here…Blahblahbla” I felt a lightning just flashed in my head. “why am I the last to know that, where do I get time to find a travel agency now? how could you do this to me?....” I couldn’t control myself then. They made me crazy.
After all, I called a branch of International travel agency. “we need a week to get your visa done…..” I couldn’t believe what I just heard. “ why?” I asked” how would it take so long?” “ well, if you send your documents here today, we will pass it to the embassy the day after tomorrow.” “why? You cant do that just today? I have an emergency here!! please” I felt so helpless.” Sorry sir, that’s how we do things. I cant help you….Blahblahblah…” I hung up the phone. I didn’t want to hear her voice anymore. I sat on the sidewalk thinking about what I should do next. “its just the branch, call the base!” a voice keep sounding in my head. I picked up my phone as fast as I could, dialing, getting through, ”hello, its international travel agency, can I help you” “ yes, I have an emergency here….” I told her everything and looked forward to her giving me the hope. “…blahblah…we could get your visa done in 4 days…” “ 4 days? Are you sure?” “ yes, of course....blahbalh..” I stopped a taxi as soon as possible. If I get the visa in the next 4 days I could still join the audition on time I thought I saw the hope at that moment. I got to the International traveling building within 40 minutes and rush to the elevator.
A young man received me in the customer service office. “blahblah…it would take 5 days to get you visa done…” “what?” I interrupted him “ why I heard that only 4 day when I called few minutes ago, see, I have an emergency I have to be there on 27th, which means I could only have the last 4 day to get the visa.” “trust me, we never said 4 days ok?...blahblah….but we will try our best and you try to urge the embassy you might have you visa earlier.” He smiled to me, which made me sick. “What am I gonna do?” I kept asking myself, at last, I decided to try my fortune, I took their service and paid the money.
The next day, the agency called me,”blahblah..im sorry, your bank deposit must have been frozen for 3 months but now its only 2 months..” I felt faint” but you could send me a new certification this afternoon we could still get you visa done on time…blahbalh” I rushed out my door and called my dad “dad? I need 100000 right now, c’mon! I need it!!!” My poor dad must be scared at that moment” they said I need a new certification……” I stopped a taxi rushing to be bank.”could you please drive faster ”:I couldn’t help urging the driver on the way to the bank. He didn’t give a shit at all!
That’s what I called long line when I got to the bank. It seemed the whole city jammed in the bank hall at the same time. Anyway, after one hour waiting I got my new certification, immediately, I rushed out of the bank door, “TAXI!!!!” I shouted out with all my energy. Thank god after all the hurry, I submitted the certification in time.
The next day I slept till 12 pm. I called the embassy as I opened my eyes. “ hello, I know you are very busy, but I really have an emergency here, I was wondering if you could make my visa process a little faster, I really have no time, please” I tried my best to be nice I swore to god. “sorry personal visa could not be faster.” I hated the operator really she made my visa process got started so late, but I still had to be genty ”please, I really have an emergency” “well you can try to send a fax to the ambassador and tell him about your emergency he may give you a chance….blahblah.” I jumped down my bed and rushed out just liked I did before.
I did everything I could do. The rest thing was only wait.
I wasn’t that kinda people who would only wait, so I called the embassy again the next day. “hello…blahblah…tell me your name…blahblah…congratulations, your visa is done…..” I couldn’t describe how excited I was then. I called the agency and told them to fetch my visa as soon as possible. Haha, I could join the audition on time!!
The next day, the day before my audition day, I called the agency to ask when I could get my visa. They told me their employee just came back but didn’t get my visa. “ How could it be? The embassy told me my visa was done, how could that happen you didn’t get my visa?” I was confused. “ but we just don’t get it, sorry. Maybe tomorrow.” “ I told you I called the embassy yesterday and they told me my visa was done, did you really get there to fetch my visa?” I was kinda angry.” Of course we did but we sure didn’t get your visa from the embassy.” I felt I was in pouring rain again. I didn’t know which side to believe, but I knew one of them just tricked me, they didn’t care about my emergency at all.
Well, the result was I could not make it to Korea on time, I missed my audition. I couldn’t be that tolerant, I curse them, both the embassy and the agency. But its useless, i know.
First, the embassy operators were so irresponsible, after my asking over and over again they still missed telling me the important document I need to submit, otherwise, I could get the certification from the notarial bureau earlier so that I could have enough time for my visa process. In addition,The agency didn’t fetch the visa on time or the embassy tricked me.
I’m sick of staying in such a awful place, just get me out of here please!!!!!
Well, after all, I still don’t wanna give up my dream, its just a challenge given by life. I know I will be fine. I know I will make my dream come true. I know, I believe in myself.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
