Try to figure out

I started to recall my experiences, how i started my music career, how i decided everything. I couldn't compose anything lately. I don't even know why? Is my life too quiet so that nothing stimulate my mind ?

I remebered I used to come up tons of melody on my mind. But now,there's nothing but shit on my mind. Did I made a wrong choice? Applying for Berklee was really good for me? Now I just can't concentrate on my composing but to worry about the audition the visa and everything unknown.Two years ago(maybe a year and a half) i saw a clear future but now i am not so sure.Especaily my American visa was refused last month. Despite the anger i just cant understand why they have the right making desicions for my future. Simplely said " i'm sorry,you are not going" and the bitch gave me a shit face, she didnt even gave me a reason. Well,i know i should not think about it anymore but i just cant let it go. its always there.

another month passing by just like that and im still here decaying. I cant complain but i want to.I'm not even in the mood of composing.all my feelings have just gone and i couldnt catch.is it the step of every muscian? So many questions on my mind and no space for my composing.

I think I am so incompatible, on one hand i worry about many unknown things , on the other hand i tell myslef to clam down and focus on composing, or maybe I am to pushing so that make my life disordered. questions again!!!damn.

dose it rain tomorrow?...........